Happy New Year!!
It's time for party (if you're into that) or hanging out on the couch with your Mum and sis eating crisps and chocolates (that's what I'm into).
It is inevitable to look back at the year that has passed so close to NYE. You think about the high and low points of the year and imagine what next year will be like. For now though, looking back at 2015: it has been one rough year of my life. It has probably been the worst year of my life, and then a better year of my life, dividing the year exactly in half.
I feel like I need to warn you guys before starting, this post will get a bit sad and heavy before it gets better, just like my 2015 has gone about.
At the start of the year my depression was at an all time high. My OCD (that I've written more about here) was the worst it's ever been, and the year started with me not being able to go back to work after the holidays. I was on temporary sick leave which made me feel all the worse. My OCD was so bad that leaving my apartment caused me crippling and unmanageable anxiety. My only trips outdoors were to my doctor's office and back home, whereupon I would scrub myself raw in the shower for hours trying to get "clean". With my disorder taking over my life my depression got bad. Real bad. In February, the month of my birthday I was dying on the inside, and hoping to die on the outside, which in itself is a thing I could write a whole post about (so I'll leave that for another time).
Medicines that I got for my depression caused side effects that affected my heart, and I ended up in the hospital for fainting a number of times a day. Only being in a hospital would make my anxiety spike, so you can understand that it was a tough time. However as the year turned to Summer I got new meds. Meds that seemed to work. The emptiness and greyness of my depression started to clear a bit. I was lucky enough to also start to get professional help at this time and gradually I started to break loose, little by little, from the claws of my OCD. By this time I had also made a whole lot of friends through instagram - golden relationships that I treasure a lot!
In May I started this blog. I personally think that it has helped me a lot in dealing with both my depression and OCD, as I have had to put it into words, and have decided to share my story with you. It made things easier. It reduced the shame I felt, and the friends I'd made through instagram and the blog were so supportive and kind, showering me with love. It also gave me something to do, something to keep my mind off of the bad things. When this blog began, I was about to start to regain my hope, which had previously been lost (I blame the depression, makes you so hopeless).
In June I went back to work, part time. And even if I was so so so very tired from all the anxiety that I carried with me during the days, I started feeling a bit happier. I was back to work! I love my job, so it meant so much for me, even though I couldn't really do much at first.
As July rolled past my year started getting much better. I still suffer from OCD and depression to this day and probably always will, but it started to become manageable. In August I started working with a psychologist that is an expert on OCD, and while therapy has been tougher than I could have ever imagined it would be, it has also been successful. The rest of the year has passed so quickly. Instagram and this blog have become two places where I feel happier and more at home than anywhere else. The people I've "met" during this last year have really made an impression on me, and I'm so very happy that they are in my life in one way or the other.
The last half of 2015 I've started becoming the Mona that I once knew and I've started laughing again. It feels like I've almost become a phoenix (yes the HP nerd went there...) and really have risen out of the ashes. I have joy in my life again, and it really makes all the difference!
The first half of 2015 I wasn't sure if I would still be alive at the end of the year, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to be alive at the end of the year. But I can proudly and happily say that I am very happy to be alive today! I'm very happy that I struggled through all the shit of the first half of 2015, to reach this point where I am today.
Never have I ever looked forward to a new year as much as I do now for 2016. I have such a good feeling about 2016 and I enter it with hope and joy. I know this will be a good year. I will continue my therapy and meds, and I will continue to fight against the beasts that are OCD and depression.
I have made so many new friends this last year, and social media has kept me going (as well as my family and work of course) in an indescribable way. And to everyone who has in one way or another interacted with me in the past year I just want to say: Thank You!
It means the world to me that anyone would take the time to look at and read my thoughts and opinions, and I truly have felt "seen" in this last year.
This year, 2015, is ending in such a different fashion than it began, and for that I am truly grateful. Here's to the next year! May it be all you hope for and more!
For the last time this year - Much love to all of you
That's what we say in Swedish between Christmas and New Year's Eve and it basically means good continuation.
These days, between Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve are a bit dull in my opinion. I get this post-Christmas boredom, I suppose it's because it is after the whole excitement of the food and the gift-giving and getting, and so on. And the handful of days before New Year's feel like they drag along. I'm ready for the new year to start, and I can't wait for this old one to be over!
In my boredom I decided to wear a pretty outfit consisting of the blouse from Emmy Design that I got myself for Christmas. If you follow me on instagram (@curlsncakes) you know that I was wondering if people give themselves Christmas gifts. I usually do, what about you?
I sort of like the idea of giving a gift to yourself. Because in the end it's all about love, isn't it. Sure, we give gifts to some people because we "have to", but the best gifts are the ones given to people we really care about. So why not give one to yourself? It's the ultimate expression of self-love!
Much love to all of you!
Hello all you lovely people!
I just wanted to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas (if you do celebrate it) and/or Happy Holidays!
I'm curled up with a nice blanket, eating tons of chocolate, Nutella fudge, knäck and other yummy things. I'm so full that I really should stop eating, but there is no end to it in sight.
In Sweden we celebrate on Christmas Eve by opening presents and having a big meal. So yesterday I unwrapped my Christmas gifts, amongst them a warm sweater and a madeleine tin, which I look forward to using very much.
For Christmas Day I wore this magnificent emerald dress by Chi Chi from ModCloth, and I absolutely love it. I also wore the highest heels I've worn this year, these gorgeous sparkly ones that I got on Black Friday Sale from ModCloth.
I don't usually go to many parties, as I've mentioned before, so I really like to go all in for special occasions like Christmas. I love to do my makeup, wear fancy clothes and high, uncomfortable heels for a festive day. So I did just that, even though I had no real party to go to, and stayed at home with my family. Who's to say you can't dress up for a day at home?
Anyway, I've had a splendid Christmas even though it was the first one in my life without any snow. I hope you all had a lovely yule time too. Sending you lots of love!
Hello all you lovely people!
Hope you are having a wonderful time these days before Christmas is upon us.
I have been baking all day whilst listening to She & Him's Christmas record, and I thought I'd share the recipe for the traditional Swedish Christmas-time saffron buns called Lussekatter or Lussebullar.
These are delicious with an amazing scent of saffron. They also get a lovely yellow colour from the saffron, and they are mildly sweet. Great to have with a cuppa. They do need to prove for quite some time, so it's not the quickest of bakes, but it's definitely worth it in the end!
- 5 dl milk
- 50 grams fresh yeast
- 1,5 dl sugar
- 2 grams salt
- 2 grams saffron
- ~14 dl flour
- 100 grams butter
- 1 egg
Heat the milk to 37°C. Solve the yeast in the milk. Add the sugar and then the salt. Solve the saffron in 1 tablespoon warm water, and then add it to the rest. Add the flour and butter in additions. You might not need all of the flour. When the dough isn't super sticky anymore and releases from the bowl you're preparing it in it's saturated for flour.
Cover and let prove for 1 hour, until the dough is twice as big.
Divide the dough into balls of about 60 grams. Roll out the balls to snake-like shapes and then roll them up into S-shaped buns. Put the S-shaped buns on parchment paper and cover and let prove for another hour. Before baking give the buns an egg wash and stick in raisins in the buns, bake at 225°C, for about 8-10 minutes.