Last week I posted a mini blog post with a fun little video that I had made, but I thought I’d write a proper post today. Not regarding the previous post as a “real” blog post the latest post was in the end of July of 2017. So, what has happened since?
Well, to be honest, a lot has happened, the most noticeable would be that my hair is now lighter and shorter. In the post back in 2017 I wrote that I am having a hard time fitting blogging into my life, and I wrote I didn’t know if it was a lack of time, inspiration or content, and now in hindsight I can say that it was all three with the addition of a deteriorating mental health. At the end of last summer my depression was creeping back, and I was frustrated that it was back. It got quite dark and I once again questioned my being alive, as I often do when the depression is back. I had ended all my medication, but had to see a doctor to get help, because I was very quickly slipping into a very very dark place. I was once again started on new medicine. I did not get better and that took it’s toll on my relationship with my then-boyfriend. I spent the better time of the autumn getting on and off different medication and basically crying. Feeling like life was, once again, really tough. I was lucky to have the support of beautiful friends, and the undying love from my family (that I could not live without). I also started seeing a therapist, which is expensive but was very much worth it at that time. In December I broke up with my then-boyfriend, and post-Christmas things started getting a little better. I got a medicine that worked a little bit better and things weren’t black as night, but more of a grey.
For most of the spring I don’t feel like I quite did anything at all. I was very busy though. My dearest sister got her PhD degree and spring sprung like springs do. I busied myself with dancing. Dance has been one of my life’s saviours. When I dance I am so focused that I am completely in the moment. There is no time to worry about the future or thresh in the past, it is only then and there. It is only now. I feel like I am completely in the moment and completely gone, all at the same time. It is nothing quite like it and I love it. Dance is a great therapy for me.
In march I found out that it will take one year before I will be able to see a psychiatrist. I am currently in the queue, waiting for that. And in the meantime I feel like my life is on hold. I write a lot, about how I feel and updates on Instagram (@curlsncake). I wrote a post on Instagram about my current feelings only a couple of days ago. Like I already mentioned, I feel like my life is in a pause. I’m not well enough to do my research, and am on sick leave from that. The research itself is bad for my health as it is a very highly demanding job and it gives me anxiety. I doubt my abilities and I feel like I will never be good or smart enough to manage my research, so I worry. I worry about who I am, if I am not a scientist. I worry about what my future holds, if anything at all. And I worry about my worth. I feel worthless and stupid. My depression however is better. I have bad days, but most are okay. Not good, but manageable. It’s just that my anxiety is so high and I feel like there isn’t one thing that I’m not worried about. I feel very unsure about everything…
I try to be creative though, with baking and makeup. Coordinating outfits and dancing when I can. I feel very tired very often, and most often than not I need breaks to be able to finish something, because my energy is low. I meet up with kind and good friends that give me joy, and I hang a lot on Instagram. I’ve noticed that being creative helps. It gives something to the soul that truly nothing else can give you. And that, my friends, is why this blog is back in business. I think I need this blog now more than ever. If you are reading this, then I am so happy that also you are back here. Thank You!
Finally, on to this outfit. I adore these dungarees from Lucy & Yak. I saw these dungarees in lilac on Instagram worn by none other than the gorgeous Magnus, and she suggested I get a red pair. As the faithful follower I am, I got a red pair, and I am in LOVE! These dungarees are the comfiest thing I’ve ever worn, and it’s super duper cute too. I just love them so much. I wore it with a t-shirt from Monki and I was good to go. My sister and I shot these photos and I had so much fun. These dungarees make me sillier than what I am, and I just felt like a happy, playful child in them!
Shoes: Ecco (old)
What do you think about dungarees? Are they in or out? Would you wear them, and if yes, in which colours?
Once again, I want to thank you so much for reading this. You really are wonderful people made of diamonds and pure gold, and I think you are all wonderful.