Natural self part 2

This is a follow up post to the one I posted on the 8th of August, "Natural self". The discussion became so very interesting after that post, that I feel like I have to add another post addressing some of the things that came up in the comments.

Quick recap: I got a "compliment" on instagram from a man that said "Makeup doesn't suit you. I like your natural self". When I expressed that it was inappropriate for him to say something like that he promptly asked me if I was a feminist and continued to say that "I must drive my boyfriend crazy". The full conversation can be found in the original post.

I got an enormous amount of support after my original post. And I'm extremely grateful to all those who were supportive and kind enough to leave me a comment. It did start an interesting discussion in the comments section and it sparked some thoughts.
While it does bother us so much when a man is as obvious and insolent as the man from your post, I do wonder if we see the same thing when women talk to us. I know women tend to be a tad more polite and will suggest something rather than bluntly ordain it but then again, the message is often similar. I feel we don't always see it that way and we tend to take it to heart just because another woman said it instead of dismissing it right away because someone --regardless of gender --is telling us what to do with our bodies. 
The above paragraph was written by the very intelligent and discussion-ready Klara from the blog The Robot That Had a Heart. And I've been thinking a lot about how I would have acted if it would have been a woman that had said it. I've been lucky enough to have (in the blogging sphere and the social media world) only encountered kind and supportive women, so it is not at all by experience that I write the following but rather entirely by imagination.

If this exchange had been with a woman, would it have made a difference?

Dress: Larmoni (here)
Flats: Daisy Street via Asos

Some of my readers commented that it was a rude and impolite thing to say, whether it would be a man or a woman. But one of the points I made in my post was that it is a feminist issue about gender equality.

Others said that it would have been worse if it was a woman who said it. While I agree that it is incredibly bad and makes me sad beyond belief when women slander other women, I don't think it is the matter of the same subject. When a man says something like that, or acts in a certain way (e.g. catcalling and etc.) it feels to me as if he is trying to assert ownership and power over a woman. It becomes a question of injustice, whereas a woman slandering another woman is rather about pettiness and resentment. Men who think that women need their approval are not thinking of women as equal people. I don't need a man to approve of me. And a comment like that about how I look is essentially that, a man saying "I am a man, and I validate you now". I can validate myself!

I'd like to make a difference between women that you "know" and women that you do not have an acquaintance with. I want to make this distinction because oftentimes I respect the opinion of a friend (someone I "know"), and would consider what they are saying. For the sake of discussion assume that the woman who commented is someone who has commented for the first time.

If a woman were to say to me that I look better without makeup, I would not have pondered it. However I feel like it is a different situation to that with the man. Is that because I put more value in the opinion of a woman? No, but a woman saying something like what the man said to me, is not after asserting her power over me, but is rather trying to perhaps hurt me. Which in itself is a sad thing to want to do, but it's a completely different scenario.

Had the conversation with a woman continued as it did with the man, I would have reacted the same way as I did. Ignorance about feminism is unfortunately as widespread among women as it is among men. If a woman were to tell me to be a certain way or look a certain way because the reason is that it's how a woman should be or look, I would of course inform that woman that each woman has the right to be and look however she wants.

Going back to the question that ignited the discussion: Had it been a woman who said what was said, would it be different?

Yes, it would be completely different, because the situation would be different! But personally I don't put more significance into what was said about my looks because it was said by a woman.

What do you think? Is a negative comment about how you look different depending on which gender it comes from?

I would love to hear what you think in the comments.
Much love!


End of Summer

Happy Wednesday my darlings!
The week is almost over, and it appears like the summer is coming to an end for real. Yay I say, but I did take the opportunity to parade my new summery ModCloth dress when it was still warm.

The last package I ordered from ModCloth, which contained this particular dress, went quite on a journey. Ordering from the US is a pricey business and it tends to take quite some time. Which is all understandable. It usually stops in at least two countries between the States and Sweden, so naturally it takes a couple of weeks. This order however took me almost two months to get! And that was because it came all the way to the Swedish capital Stockholm, and then returned (!) to America with no explanation as to why. Bloody FedEx!

Dress: ModCloth (here)
Flats: ModCloth (here)

Luckily ModCloth's Customer Care is tip-top, and they did everything for me to finally receive the package. Yay!

By the way, this post is not sponsored or anything by ModCloth, I just really love their Costumer Service. I've only ever had good experiences with their Customer Care. They treat their costumers like friends, I like that about companies. Which is why I keep returning to them! Yay for ModCloth!

Hope you all have a fantastic rest of the week!
Much love


Warm Summer Days

This last week has been incredibly warm and the sun has been shining non-stop, but I'm looking forward to the cooler weather. Autumn is my favourite season, and though it is very short where I live, it is also very beautiful. I long for the crisp days when there's a nip in the air and the layering of warm cosy jumpers over dresses. For now though, I'm trying to enjoy the warm weather, because it is certainly not going to stay much longer.

Dress: Miss Patina (here)
Cardigan: Zara (old)
Shoes: Ecco (here)


Fashion vs Style

"Fashion" is a tricky thing. I never say I have a fashion blog, but rather a style blog. Fashion is the popular styles and trends of the day. And because of that I have a bit of an issue with "fashion". I claim my personal style to be girly, cute, quirky and vintage-inspired. So by definition my style is the opposite of fashion, because I don't wear what is recognised as the popular styles of the time and season, but rather what may have been fashion some decades ago. It may be a rather controversial subject, but I believe that fashion is the antithesis of individuality and style. Style is a personal thing, and it reflects and individuals originality, whereas fashion is a trend, and intends to polish away quirkiness.

I may be alone in my opinion on fashion, but I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject? And how do you feel about fashion vs. style?

Befitting to the subject I am wearing a dress from the Book of Deer S/S 2012 collection. The dress is not for this season, but three years old. However Book of Deer is a brand that manages to intertwine fashion and style. The pieces are unique and original, and surpasses trends. This dress caught my eye this year, because I was first introduced to Book of Deer in 2015, and the amazingly talented creator of Book of Deer, Eilidh Ho, gifted me this dress after I told her how much I loved it. I adore the magnificent colour of this dress - it makes me feel like a woodland nymph, which is a feeling I appreciate very much. The fairytale-esque spirit that this dress has makes me want to wear it again and again. And I don't understand why something like fashion should dictate what we wear. I am perfectly happy in my out-of-season dress!

Dress: Book of Deer


Natural self

I had planned these photos of this gorgeous Poppy dress and Deer Arrow brooch set for a blog post, but this post will be so different from what I originally thought. I hope it doesn't take away anything from the lovely dress and brooch set.

My day started in an interesting manner when I was given a "compliment" on an instagram photo. I was told I don't look good in makeup, and the person who said this also said that he preferred "my natural self". Although the person had intended it as a compliment I found myself taking offence. First of all, saying I don't look good in one way is much more of an insult than a compliment. Secondly, this person preferred "my natural self". How I decide to look is a matter that is only decided by me. His sentiment for my natural self is completely irrelevant. It's my face and I'll wear makeup on it if that is what I want to do. See the actual "conversation" just below.

However, this sparked a thought that's been bothering me since. Where do people, and especially men, get the idea that they have a say at all in what I decide to look like? The discussion with this man turned to feminism, and I came to realise that this is a feminist issue.

I'm very privileged in that I live in a fairly gender equal nation. I'm not saying feminism is not needed here in Sweden, but in terms of gender equality there are places that are much worse off than Sweden. I tend to forget that all places are not like Sweden. So when the person asked me if I was a feminist and told me "I must drive my boyfriend crazy" I was strangely irritated. I am not used to comments like that. What bothered me were a multiple of assumptions that this person made:

1. Why am I assumed to be heterosexual? The spectrum of sexuality is varied and colourful. I could be anything for all you know! For the sake of this post I will share this: I do not identify as heterosexual!

2. Why am I assumed to have a boyfriend? Why do women always have to "belong" to a man? Why can't I be single? And not unhappily single and looking, but single because I don't want to belong to a man or another person! Single by choice! It's a thing - believe me!

3. Why is my assumed boyfriend assumed to not be a feminist? Feminism is not a fight for women, it is a fight for people who think that all people no matter gender or anything else should have the same social, political, economic and personal rights as the next person. It is very much a fight that men need to take on as well! If you believe in equality you are a feminist whether you like the term "feminist" or not!

And that's only a part of my thoughts. I'm rambling now, and I haven't digested the comments yet, but I needed to get my instant thoughts down somewhere before I exploded.

Moving on to this gorgeous dress by Poppy that I managed to get on sale and am so in love with! I adore the enormous skirt that is perfect for twirling and dancing around in. I love the summery stripes that make me think of hard sweets and ice lollies. I paired it with a beautiful handmade brooch from Deer Arrow's collaboration with the illustrator and my friend Morgane Carlier. The wee teapot and cup make me so happy! Which I definitely need now.

Dress: Poppy
Brooch set: Deer Arrow

Thanks to anyone who stayed with me through this long post and my ramblings. Much love to you all!


Dark Summer Nights

August is here. The Summer is coming to an end. The nights are darker, as the sun now sets in the late evening hours. This is the last warm month of the year, gradually the bare legs will be covered in thick tights, and the fluttery dresses will be substituted by layers of knitted clothes.

It is important to really take advantage of the last month of Summer. Enjoy the warm breezes and wear the wispy dresses, as I've done. This lovely and delicate dress from Mod Dolly stole my heart from the get-go with its dainty Peter Pan-collar and sheer sleeves. It is the perfect dress for the cooler late Summer evenings.

What do you like to do when Summer is nearing its end?

Dress: Mod Dolly
Flower crown: H&M