Crystal clear

Hello you,
Hope you are all doing great and that you're keeping warm or cool depending on where you live.
Where I live in northern Sweden it is cold (not very, but enough to not be able to photograph outdoors), and I'm keeping warm with blankets and hot cups of tea.

When I was a kid I loved rocks, stones and crystals of all kinds. I used to collect some and at times I would get them all out and arrange them in order of colour, just look at them and be joyful. The little things really make me happy, and I was like that as a child too. The littlest thing could amuse and preoccupy me.

Top: Book of Deer (here)

Jeans: Forever 21 (old)

Lipstick: Bésame Cosmetics (here)

This lovely top from Book of Deer with a crystal print reminded me of my box of rocks, and I went searching for them in my old stuff, and to my surprise, my box was still there, with crystals and stones of different shapes, sizes and colours - all living in harmony. It made me happy.

This unique and dreamy top also makes me think of the 70's, and I imagined that it would be what I would wear on the cover of my soul-rock record. Arms outstretched above me, my curly mane billowing behind me, a cross between Freddie Mercury and Erykah Badu. Well, I sure wish anyway...

I think I'm going to go arrange my rocks now.
I hope you all have a fantastic week, take care of yourselves.

Much love,

New Year, Good bye 2016

Once again it is New Year’s Eve!
I hope you all have a very Happy New Year and I wish you all the best!

Last year I summarised the year that had passed in a blog post, and I thought I’d do the same thing this year. But before that let me just mention my outfit of tonight!

I am wearing this skirt that is ridiculously beautiful and I feel fantastic in, from Tatyana. I saw this skirt on Instagram and knew I had to have it. It reminded me of something... I couldn't quite place my finger on what, but I was serious about owning it.

I was lucky enough to get it on sale, and I was even luckier to have it arrive in time for NYE. As I was getting ready I put on this V-neck top and bam! It hit me! It reminds me of the beautiful outfit that Grace Kelly wore in Rear Window (which happens to be one of my favourite Hitchcock's). Google it! It's uncanny!

I decided to keep the rest of the look completely 50's, so I wore my perfect Besame Red lipstick from Besame Cosmetics and finished it off with a loose powder (Vanilla Brightening Powder, also Besame). You'd think I was sponsored by Besame Cosmetics but unfortunately I'm not. Their products just feel very authentically vintage.

To top it all off I actually googled retro hairstyles for natural hair and got a brilliant hit. I found this blog post on the blog Bobby Pin, and I adore the hairstyle. It is really hard finding vintage and retro hairstyles for naturally curly hair. Most hair tutorials start with much looser curls than I have. So if you have any ideas for retro hairstyles for natural hair please leave me a comment!

On to the 2016 round-up...

While 2015 was one of the hardest years of my life, 2016 has been one of the best years! I have not recovered from my illnesses, and probably never will as they are all chronic, but I have gotten to a point where I manage my mental illness in a way that enables me to live my life.

I’ll be honest - I’ve had crap times in 2016 (as those of you who have followed me might remember). Days where it’s been impossible to get out of bed. Weeks where my anxiety has been so high and my OCD has made it so hard to get out of my apartment. I’ve even had months during this last year where I’ve felt so very low and uninspired in life. But it has all been isolated times surrounded by, in large, better times.

Top: Topshop (old)

Skirt: Tatyana (here)

Heels: B.A.I.T. Footwear (here)

Pearls: Borrowed from Mum

I started this year feeling better than I had for a decade. Last year ended with me being on a high. I was on good medication and I was continually working with a psychologist fighting against my OCD, anxiety and depression. In 2016 I have been entirely free from suicidal thoughts, and that, my friends is a major step in the right direction. I am back to work, full time! Which makes me so happy I could cry. I have bad weeks, and days, but all in all I am back to my previous self. I recognise the person that I am.

I still have OCD. I still have my obsessions and perform my compulsions, but as I mentioned - it is manageable now. I can lead a life at the side of being sick. It’s not all about my illness anymore. All of this, getting back to being happier and healthier has made me realise how important health is. And I’ve decided I want to end this year with a message of hope.

If you are doing unwell, whether physically or mentally, believe me it can get better! It’s not impossible! Get as much help as you can, and be as open as you can be - a healthier life is possible. I went into 2016 feeling hope and joy, and it has treated me well. I will continue to fight in 2017 for a happier, healthier life. And I wish all of you find your joy and happiness the same way I have.

Thank you so much to everyone that I’ve interacted with! You are all incredible! It still means everything to me that you are here and are willing to listen to my story. I also want to say that I am here and willing to listen to your story too! If anyone suffering from any mental illness feels the need to talk, I’m here! Talk to me! Because talking about it really eases something.

Here’s to 2017! May it be all you hope for and more!
And for the last time this year - Much love to all of you,

Idols

Hello all you wonderful people!
Christmas is only two weeks away, and we've just had the most celebratory day in the science world - the Nobel day.

When I was a kid I remember we were asked once who our "idols" were. This way in the late 90's/early 00's, and most girls my age answered Britney Spears. I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. But I distinctly remember thinking "What's so idol-worthy about being a pop singer?", what can I say I was naive, and didn't quite understand that people have different goals in life. My goal was not to be a pop singer. No, I wanted to be a scientist. So when the question came upon me of who my idol was I answered "Albert Einstein". He was one of the most famous scientists of all time, and to the nine year old me - he was a true idol. I wanted to be just like him, become a person known for their great intelligence, make immense contributions to the world of science and, of course, win the Nobel prize!

Needless to say, I love the Nobel day! So all in all December is a great month, with advent calendars, Christmas music, presents, a bunch of cosyness and the biggest science party of the year!

On to my outfit, this is an entirely Book of Deer outfit, and actually it is also entirely AW14, but I got both of these lovely pieces that I had been pining for in the Black Friday sale of Book of Deer.

The lovely, warm, nice, soft, velvet jumper is available in some sizes, so make haste if you want it! The jumper is amazing, as you might have noticed by my description of it. I love everything velvet, and this jumper has a bow, which we all know elevates things to perfection! And the skirt is such a lovely ice-cold grey colour, and it has wee bears on it! How awesome is that?

Jumper: Book of Deer (here)

Skirt: Book of Deer (here)

Tights: Primark

Are any of the rest of you interested in the Nobel prize? I'm both Swedish and a scientist so it's close to home, but what do you guys think of the prize? And what did you think about Bob Dylan getting the literature prize?

Have a beautiful wintery Sunday!
Much love,

Fiery Red

Hello there,
Hope you are doing great. My blog has taken a backseat, and it's not because I'm busy or anything (I'm still in my holidays). No, not busy at all...

Pokémon Go has entered my life.

I recently bought a smart phone and Pokémon Go got available in Sweden just a week ago. So I am spending my time catching Pokémons. I started out with a Charmander, which for those who may not know is a lizardy/dinosaury creature with a fiery tail. It's really cute.

Are you playing Pokémon Go? Are you also stuck in that world? And which Pokémon did you start with?

When playing Pokémon Go you walk a lot, so you need wear comfortable clothes and shoes, but this outfit that I'm sharing today, even though it may not be the optimal outfit for Pokémon Go represented the Charmander quite a bit in my opinion. The vivid red skirt reminds me of Charmander's blazing tail.

Beret: ModCloth (old)

Top: Vivien of Holloway (here)

Skirt: Vivien of Holloway (here)

Petticoat: ModCloth (here)

Flats: Asos (here)

Have a lovely day!
Much love,

New Year, Good bye 2015

Happy New Year!!

It's time for party (if you're into that) or hanging out on the couch with your Mum and sis eating crisps and chocolates (that's what I'm into).

It is inevitable to look back at the year that has passed so close to NYE. You think about the high and low points of the year and imagine what next year will be like. For now though, looking back at 2015: it has been one rough year of my life. It has probably been the worst year of my life, and then a better year of my life, dividing the year exactly in half.

I feel like I need to warn you guys before starting, this post will get a bit sad and heavy before it gets better, just like my 2015 has gone about.

At the start of the year my depression was at an all time high. My OCD (that I've written more about here) was the worst it's ever been, and the year started with me not being able to go back to work after the holidays. I was on temporary sick leave which made me feel all the worse. My OCD was so bad that leaving my apartment caused me crippling and unmanageable anxiety. My only trips outdoors were to my doctor's office and back home, whereupon I would scrub myself raw in the shower for hours trying to get "clean". With my disorder taking over my life my depression got bad. Real bad. In February, the month of my birthday I was dying on the inside, and hoping to die on the outside, which in itself is a thing I could write a whole post about (so I'll leave that for another time).

Medicines that I got for my depression caused side effects that affected my heart, and I ended up in the hospital for fainting a number of times a day. Only being in a hospital would make my anxiety spike, so you can understand that it was a tough time. However as the year turned to Summer I got new meds. Meds that seemed to work. The emptiness and greyness of my depression started to clear a bit. I was lucky enough to also start to get professional help at this time and gradually I started to break loose, little by little, from the claws of my OCD. By this time I had also made a whole lot of friends through instagram - golden relationships that I treasure a lot!

In May I started this blog. I personally think that it has helped me a lot in dealing with both my depression and OCD, as I have had to put it into words, and have decided to share my story with you. It made things easier. It reduced the shame I felt, and the friends I'd made through instagram and the blog were so supportive and kind, showering me with love. It also gave me something to do, something to keep my mind off of the bad things. When this blog began, I was about to start to regain my hope, which had previously been lost (I blame the depression, makes you so hopeless).

Dress: Emmy Design (here)

Bag: Emmy Design (sold out, but other colours here, here, here and here)

Petticoat: ModCloth (here)

Heels: ModCloth (here)

In June I went back to work, part time. And even if I was so so so very tired from all the anxiety that I carried with me during the days, I started feeling a bit happier. I was back to work! I love my job, so it meant so much for me, even though I couldn't really do much at first.

As July rolled past my year started getting much better. I still suffer from OCD and depression to this day and probably always will, but it started to become manageable. In August I started working with a psychologist that is an expert on OCD, and while therapy has been tougher than I could have ever imagined it would be, it has also been successful. The rest of the year has passed so quickly. Instagram and this blog have become two places where I feel happier and more at home than anywhere else. The people I've "met" during this last year have really made an impression on me, and I'm so very happy that they are in my life in one way or the other.

The last half of 2015 I've started becoming the Mona that I once knew and I've started laughing again. It feels like I've almost become a phoenix (yes the HP nerd went there...) and really have risen out of the ashes. I have joy in my life again, and it really makes all the difference!

The first half of 2015 I wasn't sure if I would still be alive at the end of the year, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to be alive at the end of the year. But I can proudly and happily say that I am very happy to be alive today! I'm very happy that I struggled through all the shit of the first half of 2015, to reach this point where I am today.

Never have I ever looked forward to a new year as much as I do now for 2016. I have such a good feeling about 2016 and I enter it with hope and joy. I know this will be a good year. I will continue my therapy and meds, and I will continue to fight against the beasts that are OCD and depression.

I have made so many new friends this last year, and social media has kept me going (as well as my family and work of course) in an indescribable way. And to everyone who has in one way or another interacted with me in the past year I just want to say: Thank You!
It means the world to me that anyone would take the time to look at and read my thoughts and opinions, and I truly have felt "seen" in this last year.

This year, 2015, is ending in such a different fashion than it began, and for that I am truly grateful. Here's to the next year! May it be all you hope for and more!

For the last time this year - Much love to all of you